It all began innocently enough, as these things often do. Cal, a year-old engineer, reserved chat room addiction friendly, had been contacted by an old friend through a social networking site. He had ventured into online chatting cautiously and awkwardly. Then he struck up a conversation with an old female friend from high school, asking what had she been doing with her life? How many kids? Happily married?
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Cal and his former classmate, Susan, corresponded about once a week at first with his wife knowing he occasionally chatted with chat room addiction, some women, from high school. Yes, Cynthia was doing the same thing. In fact, she was more active on Facebook than Cal. It was fun to see pictures of family and connect with friends from the past.
Cal hardly noticed the internal shift. She seemed interested in his life, a life he considered boring and routine. Cal began looking forward to her questions and opportunities to share about his life.
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She asked questions his wife had long since stopped asking. She was genuinely curious about his life.
Some were men while many were women. He denied to himself that he enjoying hearing from the women more than the men. He spent more and more time online.
I rationalized them away, telling myself everyone was doing this. Everybody is on Facebook. There were so many women who found me handsome, exciting and interesting. I started keeping some of my activities a secret, which should have been my first warning. But, I thought she was overly jealous. I became preoccupied with who I might meet and how they chat room addiction find me attractive and interesting. I met some of them and had a couple of affairs.
All the while I was still active in church and no one suspected what I was up to. Chat room addiction, Cynthia finally caught me and now my life is a mess. Cal sat weeping about his life.
His wife of 27 years was threatening to leave him, he was embarrassed over his behavior, and felt more alone and empty than when he began the flirtatious actions. First, we deny our pain. He had no idea that he was craving attention and encouragement. This denial made him vulnerable to the many opportunities for excitement on the Internet.
Second, chatting makes us feel good. No harm so far, right? Anything that alters our mood and behavior should be critically reviewed. Anything that alters our mood has the power and potential to become addicting. We want more of the "drug" to make us feel better. Third, we deny the impact chatting has upon our lives. Fourth, we begin keeping secrets. Because it is dangerous, and we know chat room addiction is wrong, we start hiding things from our mate.
Anything we have to hide should make us suspect. We must live lives of transparency and ability. Finally, we get legitimate needs met illegitimately.
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Our needs chat room addiction not wrong — only the way we are going about getting them met. Cal needed to step back, take an inventory of his life and marriageand chat room addiction how he might spruce up his life. Rather than getting titillation from others, he chat room addiction to create these feelings from within his marriage. We must seek pleasures from with the safety of our marriage.
Be careful. Be open and transparent, and most important, share your needs with each other. Share your feedback or send a confidential note to me at TheRelationshipDoctor gmail. David Hawkins is the director of the Marriage Recover Center where he counsels couples in distress.
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Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives with his wife on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities. Christian resources for your marriageall free online at Crosswalk.
Find Christian based information on situations that arise in any relationship between husband and wife. Learn about how we should treat our spouses according to the word of the Bible and Jesus.
Other helpful resource topics include: Christian singlesparentingfinances and debt. Facing Chat Room Addiction. Facing Chat Room Addiction Dr. David B. No problem so far. Uh oh! Chat room addiction On Dr. Follow Crosswalk. Popular Today Are You Teachable?