I grew up in a small town, as an introvert, which made it hard for me to find like-minded. In this guide, I show what methods actually work to find people like you and turn them into friends.
13 ways to start a conversation (with examples)
This guide works no matter your current social situation or the size of the city you live in. My problem was that I wrote them off too quickly. For example, there was one guy in my high-school that I never talked to. We saw each other every day for 3 years.
When we finally started talking and figured out that we liked each other, we became best friends. And when you only make small talk, everyone sounds shallow. I made it a habit to talk to people. I then learned to transition from making small talk to finding out if we had mutual interests or commonalities. To get past the small talk, check out our guide on how to make interesting conversation. If you want to improve your social skills, self-confidence, and ability to connect with someone, you can take our 1-minute quiz. The problem is that if you go to a Meetup event, Meetup.
Plus, you have to mingle witch is usually super stiff. To have the chance to get to know people, you need to meet them on a regular basis at least weekly, in my experience.
11 apps that will help you make friends because, help, it's hard
There are recurring events on Meetup. Focus on those. There, you have the chance to meet people again and again, and you have a good shot at getting to know them. To get to know someone, you need to meet up several times and have many in-depth conversations, as I talked about in the step. The exception is smaller house-parties.
How to have better conversations with people you've just met, according to science
Look for people who are interested in the same things you are. These people are also more likely to be like you personality-wise. When I was younger, I went just some new people to talk to a large week-long computer festival every year. There were many other just some new people to talk to there. This ties back to the point I made at the start of this guide:.
Topics to talk about
To find like-minded, the key is to learn how to make small talk and then transition to personal conversation. I linked to two guides about that in step 1 of this guide. My friend, on the other hand, was more socially skilled at that time. He met many new friends at that computer festival and whenever he went. Because he knew how to small talk and transition that into personal conversation. Take this quiz and get a custom report based on your unique personality and goals. Learn how YOU can be better at connecting and turning people into close friends.
If you already meet people regularly, like at work or school, the easiest path is to get to know them better.
A shy person's guide to making friends at school
It might turn out you have things in common with them. Make a conscious effort to talk more to people you meet on a regular basis, and figure out if you have things in common using the methods in step 1. I always disliked small talk because it seemed to have no purpose.
Only shallow people seemed to make small talk. When I was younger, I was interested in exercise and weightlifting so I spent a lot of time on a weight training forum. I made several online friends there, and some, I met in real life. That was 15 years ago, and today, online forums are several times more powerful with larger, more niche communities and more opportunities.
Reddit is powerful as it has uncountable sub-reddits for very specific interests.
Then there are countless forums. On top of that, you have all the Facebook communities. Search for anything related to your interests, and be active in that community by posting and commenting. After a few weeks, people start recognizing your name. Start improving your confidence, your conversation skills, or your ability to bond - in less than an hour. The upside to this method is that you can make friends even if you feel uncomfortable meeting strangers at live meetups. The downside is that most of these friendships will stay online.
Sometimes, there are opportunities to meet up live, too, as I did with that training forum.
I had a hard time taking the app seriously at first, mainly because the name is so silly. I was surprised by how interesting people you can find there. Today, I have two good friends from that app that I hang out with on a regular just some new people to talk to. A he up is that I live in NYC. This app might be less effective in a small town. Here, I talk about how to make friends in a small town. Here our review of the best apps and websites for making friends.
How to make friends online (+ best apps to use)
As an example, I love to have deep conversations and when I had just moved to that smaller city, I was starved on deep conversations. I decided to start my own group. I asked them to invite their friends, and the group grew.
We met for 6 months or something like that. Pretty cool! I ed a friend to another meetup specifically for people with online businesses. That group was also weekly, and 3 of my best friends are from that group!
The founder of that group had a really clever way to find people:. He promoted his group on Facebook specifically for people who liked other online business s in that city. You can target crazy-specific stuff on Facebook, like only women aged who live in the western parts of Kentucky who like Chihuahuas but not Bulldogs. Because it was so targeted, he only spent dollars, and several people showed up. When I was younger, one of my interests was making movies. I and some friends from school used to meet up and work on different film projects.
My friends, in turn, involved other friends, and I got to know a lot of people through these projects. You can something ongoing related to what your interests are. Here are some thoughts on how to find those projects:. The truth is that you can find like-minded literally everywhere as long as you make it a habit to get to know people on a more personal level, using the methods in step 1. The point is that every person you come across is an opportunity to make friends with.
Therefore, make sure to meet a lot of people. Personally, my knee-jerk reaction was to say no to invites, because I like to spend lots of time by myself. To overcome that, I tried saying yes to all invites, but that was impractical. A good rule that a friend taught me is to say yes to 2 out of 3 invites. The risk with saying no to too many invites is that people soon stop inviting you. Again, I have some links in step 1 of this guide for that.
Do you just some new people to talk to a ? And then, you can text a few days later.
Some people are just really hard to talk to…
Was nice talking with you. Want to meet up this weekend and talk more philosophy? I took a big step in my personal development when I overcame the fear of rejection. I know that this sounds like a lot, but you only need to take the first step to get going and then you can learn along the way. Let me know in the comments below! David Morin is the founder of SocialPro. He's been writing about social skills since Follow on Twitter or. Why does everyone have the need to believe or not believe this position without offering compassion?
HI Elle, I hear you, I am no good at small talk or superficial conversation.
I understand one has to engage in it to behave in a society. I follow the norms and make polite just some new people to talk to. I cannot go deep with people as they loose interest in me.